Playfulness in Parenting……a talent that grows on you

For some people, parenting seems to come easily. They play, respond to children’s needs, understand children’s feelings and trust themselves. The rest of us need to work at it a bit more. But that’s OK, we don’t have to all be naturals. Each of us can develop those traits that will make us the parents we want to be.

Playfulness in Parenting is a talent that can be nurtured and developed by each one of us in a very special way. It is the first step to exploring how we can nurture The Talents of Parenting within us.

Playfulness is fairly easy when things are going smoothly, when everyone is well-rested, relaxed, healthy, cooperative and not in a rush to get somewhere. Study shows that parents, especially mothers of the 21st century, who juggle between work and home have to go that extra mile to achieve the so called right balance. My own experience as a mother says, Playfulness is much harder when you're racing out the door and your child is dawdling over tying his shoes, when you are trying to get everyone to bed, when everyone is cranky or when you are screaming at your child and your child is screaming at you. In other words, playfulness is hardest when we need it most. Fortunately, all parents can learn to be more playful, even at these tough times. It's a trait that can be nurtured, especially if you are willing to give up a little dignity.Being playful with your child needs a lot of practice. If you have a hard time lightening up, you may need to work a lot at it.

Try making silly faces at the next baby you see. With toddlers, fall down a lot, and make a lot of noise as you topple over. Preschoolers love when you put on a funny hat and play dress-up with them. Even if it feels like you don't know how to "make pretend," do it anyway (you can practice with stuffed animals while the kids are in school!).

Start a pillow fight with 5- or 6-year-olds, and then yell out, "Waaaah, pick on someone your own size!"

Of course, you'll probably feel terribly silly. Don't let that stop you. Playfulness builds closeness with our children, and that's worth a little humiliation, isn't it? After all, it's also embarrassing to be seen yelling, screeching, threatening or pleading with our kids, so we might as well be doing something useful and fun.Playfulness does not mean forcing children to cheer up, in violation of their feelings. It means transforming a situation with a light touch.

So next time your child says, "Will you play with me?" don't make excuses about being too busy; say, "OK!" Then let them show you how it's done. And next time you want to scream and yell, try a little playfulness instead.

Copyright © 2008

The Power of Positive Parenting....

What first comes to our minds when we hear the phrase ‘positive parenting’…?

Sweet kisses as you lay your sleepy baby in her crib? A heartfelt round of applause when your toddler finally takes to his potty? An enthusiastic cheer as your preschooler sails off on his two-wheeler for the first time?

While these examples are certainly clear demonstrations of positive, loving and supportive parenting, the kind of parenting that children surely respond to, the definition of positive parenting digs much deeper than that.

What does it mean to be a positive parent?

Positive parenting is an approach to parenting that assists all aspects of healthy child development. A “positive parent” is a loving, understanding, reasonable and protective teacher and model. Each of these words holds special meaning.

A positive parent is loving…. parents must be warm and nurturing, and show unconditional love for their children to flourish. This kind of love is based on listening for and responding sensitively to each child’s needs and showing empathy with and respect for each child.
A positive parent is understanding of each child’s temperament and is able to build on the strengths of each child’s nature, yet be flexible as time and circumstances dictate.
A positive parent is reasonable…. A reasonable positive parent is consistent and predictable. He or she sets and communicates clear limits and expectations and constructs consequences for irresponsible behaviour that are natural and reasonable, but not penalizing.

A positive parent is protective… Because infants and young children are so helpless, they need adults to provide a safe and secure base. To be protective, parents must be actively involved with each child and provide not only a physically safe environment, but also an emotionally safe atmosphere where children can experiment with emotions, relationships and ideas.

A positive parent is an accomplished teacher… Each parent, in his or her own style and manner, provides opportunities for each child to learn in an atmosphere of acceptance, encouragement and with expectations of success. Positive parents offer each child choices and encourage children to learn to solve problems and make decisions.

A positive parent is an excellent model… Infants and young children are complete imitators, constantly looking to their parents for guidance in how to handle life’s challenges. To be an excellent model, parents must know themselves – both internally, regarding their emotions, values and beliefs, and how they appear to others in the family, on the job and in their community.

Does Positive Parenting mean just being nice to your child?

NO. Quite often being a ‘reasonable’ parent does not sound very positive. For example ‘setting limits’ or disciplining appropriately’ may not sound very positive. However, the long term impact of positive parenting are positive for the children and for their relationship with parents.

The first step towards positive parenting should be creating a comfort level between you and your child. This will make children learn to be secured, loved and above all be valued as an individual.

The second step would be your interaction as a parent with your child. Playing with your child is very important. Playing is a learning process and an integral part of growing up.Your participation in it as a parent will help the child to explore and discover the world and understand his role in it.

The third step would be to teach. Teaching helps children learn. Often parents are the first teachers in a child’s life. With you as a role model she will learn to communicate and relate to others. Your teachings as a parent will be her stepping stone in the outside world and how she perceives everything around her.


The Power of Positive Parenting, thus helps in nurturing a loving and caring relationship with your child.

Copyright © 2007

Moving with your Child…

Sooner or later, many families face the prospect of moving. Disruptive as moving can be for parents, the experience can be even more traumatic for kids, who may not be a part of the decision to move and may not understand it. Kids may need some time and special attention during the transition. You can take steps to make the entire process less stressful for everyone. This I understood when I had to make the move myself…..from Mumbai to Green Bay, Wisconsin in USA….

Moving with my four and a half year old toddler I was quite uncertain if I had made the right move…Apart from the stress of 24 hrs of air travel, missing my connecting flight at Chicago, struggling overnight with my son alone at Chicago airport….not knowing where to go my landing in the USA was sure not a pleasant one….That was when I realized how important it is to prepare your child before moving….

I found some of these points very useful :

Discuss the move with your children :

Talking with our children about the move is a matter of top priority. Explain to children at their own level of understanding why you are moving, what the new home will be like, and how they can contribute to the success of the family's relocation.

Encourage them to express whatever feelings they have on the subject.

Accept their attitudes, even if they are negative, and discuss with them your own feelings. Remember that you probably have some misgivings about leaving too, no matter how nice your new situation promises to be.

Above all, be honest. Truth will go a lot further than pretence or made-up stories in preparing children for the move. The strength of the family as a unit will contribute immeasurably to the readiness and confidence with which the children adapt to their new surroundings.

Kids of different ages need a different kind of moving day...

Each child, because of differences in age and life-experience, will view the move differently. Infants, of course, will be least affected. As long as they are comfortable and their normal routine isn't disrupted too much, they won't be concerned.

Pre-school children can pose a real problem. Their sense of identity relies on the parents, the family routine, and several objects that are special to them. This I realized when my four and a half year old started reacting the day I started to pack our bags.

When they see their favourite toys being packed and put away, and their mother rushing about with apparently little time to spend with them, they begin to worry. One of their greatest fears is that they will be left behind.

Let them pack and carry along some of their special possessions. Include them in all the winding up activities especially those which involve their own things like clothes, toys, books etc. Keep them with you as far as possible until the winding up is finished.

Reasons why we move:

We have to bare in mind that whatever the reasons behind it, moving will represent a big change for all members of the family. Emotional fatigue and confusion can cause emotions to run high and tempers to run short. Prior preparation will enable the whole family to better handle the crisis that relocation can precipitate.

Here are some points to make the move easier for the children :

• Take a break with the family as soon as the major unpacking is done once u move to the new place. Don't try to do everything as soon as you arrive.
• Both parents should spend time with the children after the move, listening to what they've learnt about the new school and how they perceive the new environment.
• The first few weeks in a new school may be difficult for your children. Follow their progress closely, and if any problems arise and don't go away with time, don't hesitate to visit their teacher. Accompanying them to school the first few days may ease both their, and your mind.
• Younger children may react to the move by reverting to babyish actions. Try and be assuring, not scolding. They will soon relax and return to normal behaviour.
• Any abnormalities that linger - particularly, physical ones, such as loss of appetite, insomnia, constipation, menstrual disorder - should be referred to a doctor. Explain to the doctor that your family recently relocated. This is very important.
• If you are moving to a radically different environment - caution your children about the new situations they will face.
  
  Even adults find that moving can sometimes be an emotional wrench. How much more then, is it likely to be for children who don't have the maturity, independence, and understanding of a parent? You will move many valuable possessions when you change addresses, but none will be as precious as your children. So go ahead and give them the attention they deserve and need….
  

Saying "I Love You" to your Child….

"I love you".... Can any words possibly sound sweeter or offer greater comfort? Is any statement more natural......or necessary........between a parent and child?

In many families, these words come easily. But if you grew up never hearing them, saying "I love you" may feel somewhat unnatural to you. Or if members of your family used loving statements to control or manipulate, you may be very uncomfortable using them with your own children.

Many families either don't communicate loving feelings very often or they communicate them in destructive ways. Also, many times it is observed that this statement was always loaded with expectations for us to do something. Most of the time when parents said 'I love you' they would stand there and wait for us to say 'I love you, too'. So that statement always came off as a solicitation, rather than an expression of how they really felt about us."

If either of these extremes describe your upbringing, chances are, you aren't using loving statements as often...or as "cleanly".....as you might.

Let's hear it! We all need to hear loving statements from people we care about. It may be easy to assume that your kids know you love them. After all, you do love them and you probably do a lot of loving things for them. That's important.

But feeling love for someone is not the same as expressing it. Nor is doing loving things. Loving feelings and loving behaviors are not loving words--and those are important, too. If you find it hard to get the words out of your mouth, either from lack of familiarity or fear of rejection, start slowly.

A parent whom I know started by writing love notes to her children, sneaking them into their lunch bags or under their pillows. She reported such a strong, positive response from their children, that saying "I love you" came much more easily after that.

Keep it simple! "I love you" is a complete sentence. We don't need to tie our feelings for a person to the person's behavior. In fact, whenever we connect it to something the other person has done, "I love you" becomes a statement of conditional caring. Say it anyhow. As a gift to yourself, communicate your love daily. At least.

"I love you when you make your bed", or "I love you when you keep your toys in order", suggest that you love your child because of his behavior or accomplishment. It also suggests that the love wouldn't be there--or be quite the same--if the child hadn't made the bed or put the toys in order. (Don't you love your kid in either case?) You can still be excited and happy about the behavior, but avoid communicating that your loving feelings for your child exist because he's doing what pleases you.

"I love you". Period.

No "buts" about it! By the same token, watch the tendency to use "I love you" as a lead-in to a confrontation about something your child has done that you find disturbing. If you need to address the child's behavior or set a boundary, by all means do so. But deal with the behavior--not the worth of the child, or your feelings for him or her.

No expectations. Say "I love you" because you want to say "I love you." Say it because you feel love toward the person you're talking to. Say it because it feels good to say it.
If your children haven't learned how to say "I love you" yet, it's OK to tell them that you need to hear those three little words sometimes, too. Then give them some space to risk, practice and learn. By far their best lessons will come from your own unconditional modeling.
Turn the love inward. Next to unconditional love, the best gift you can give your child is the love you give yourself! In fact the ability to love, appreciate and care for yourself is essential to healthy, loving relationships with others.

So, look in the mirror. Look into your eyes. Say "I love you." No "buts." No qualifiers. Say it out loud. Say it often. Mean it.

What better way to affirm how worthwhile and lovable you are. And what better way to practice one of the most basic, most precious and important parenting skills there is.

When your children aren't very loving...

When your child says “I HATE YOU MOMMY”…Getting mad at him does not work…Instead, acknowledge the feelings behind the statement: "You sound pretty angry," "You're upset about that'" or even "I understand."

Disengage....especially if you find yourself getting upset. Watch out for the temptation to hurt back. Saying "I hate you too, sometimes!" may be exactly what you are feeling at the moment, but it won't help you, your child or your relationship for you to become a 4-year-old who is acting out. If you need some support, encouragement, reassurance or understanding, call on your adult resources.
And leave the door open for further discussions with your child at a later, and calmer, time: "Let's talk about this in a little bit."

If you are able to stay "unhooked" and refuse to change your mind because your child has said that she hates you, she's far less likely to continue using this statement to manipulate your feelings and behaviors. Plus, you'll be able to hang onto the idea that you're still a wonderful and lovable person...no matter what your kids say!

And of course….this works on Daddies too!!!!

Copyright © 2007

Spirituality and Parenting

Life is a sacred and spiritual journey... we are sacred and spiritual beings and we can choose to embrace the perspective of parenting from the sacred place of our spirituality - the heart.

Bringing together Spirituality and Parenting can be a unique experience in parenthood....Despite our religious or cultural preferences, Spiritual parenting is about parenting with a compassionate and giving heart.

Sri Kalki often says that to be a parent is a sacred responsibility. You cannot just say that you want to have a child because you are fascinated by children. It is a responsibility; you bring down a soul to this planet. Parenting is a sacred art which has to be learned. It is such an important experience to be a parent.

A Poem for the love of every child….

Children are a blessing sent from God above

For us to care and nurture and most of all to love.

God calls us to be parents and gives us all the tools

And when we feel like giving up, our strength He will renew.

From childhood days to a child full grown

Their joys and hurts are a parent's own.

Times of joy and laughter and those times of tears

The times spent raising a child are surely the best of years.

There comes that time in life when a child will leave the nest

We must send them off with love and a prayer and leave to God the rest.

We've have shared the Word of God, we've taught them right from wrong

Now it's time to let them go and let them write their song.

There are many paths a child can take,

right or wrong will remain unknown

But rest assured that in the end, they all lead back to home.